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I had high hopes for today. You know, I told you about them! We were creating our own joy, remember? Building a party day in, hot coffee in hand.

And then someone had a headache.

And I was helping navigate strong emotions.

And sitting in the back corner of the playhouse to eat a little plastic pie & compliment the host’s housekeeping skills.

Someone else wanted to question every. single. choice I was making for this party- with exact details of how long it would take & why I’d arrived at that decision. 

I didn’t get the party food ready until 1pm, by which time everyone was ravenous. And tired. Including me. I didn’t have the energy to feel fun. I haven’t had it for awhile actually, but that’s a story for a different day. 

And so we ate the yummy food in relative silence.

And then I started reading our favorite winter, family read-aloud. And everyone was talking over me & leaving the table & I felt like the life was draining out of me with every word.

We never got around to games. 

We made frozen pizza for dinner because it was easy, not because it was fun. 

This wasn’t one of those times where my kids came to me at bedtime & told me how great the day was.

But you know what? 

It was enough. 

I was enough. 

They were enough. 

He was enough. 

My guess is today will be a fleeting memory in their adulthood, more of a feeling than a recollection. 

Today they felt cared for. Their bellies were filled. Their owies were soothed. Their artwork & play was praised. Their questions were (mostly) answered. I communicated. I apologized when I owed it. I finally rested. I tried to be gentle. With them & with me. And eventually, I released my expectations of what the day *could be* & let it be just what it was.

Maybe you’re not supervising little people all day. Maybe you were at work. Or trying to clean house. Or navigate health issues & trauma. Or maybe you’re doing all of those things AND supervising small humans.

Wherever you are, I hope you remember that most likely, you were more brilliant today than you felt like, and even if it wasn’t all you’d hoped, even if you weren’t all you’d hoped, it was probably enough. And you can be enough tomorrow too.
“This is why I didn’t want animals!” I cried to Nathan over the phone.

•My stomach felt shredded as I climbed back into my bed where the weepy children huddled.

•Displaced Grief. 

•It turns out I have a lot stored up in my body & likely so do you.

•I don’t remember grieving much as a child, not because the loss didn’t exist, but rather because the responsibility to support those I loved was far more weighing in the moment. 

•Not being able to fix my kid’s world still triggers something deep inside of me that believed I was failing my people if I couldn’t make life easier and better for them, if I couldn’t make them forget about their pain, or better yet, figure out a way to make the pain disappear.

•As we huddled on the bed I listened to a very small voice that told me that I didn’t have to fix it. That I could just grieve with them & for them. That I could continue to provide ways to grieve & process in the days to come. A little voice that warned me not to rush them through it. Because they needed to learn how to grieve.

🌱 Life means something.

🌱 Death matters because life matters. 

🌱 When we don’t make space for the grief, we cheapen the life & love that was lived & given.

🌱 So let people grieve. Let them say hard things that they can’t say anywhere else. You are not their savior, or their inner voice, nor should you be. Be a haven, not an escape. 

🌱 And give yourself that same space too. Judgement-free. Curious. Listening. Trusting. 

🌱 You don’t have to fix it all & truthfully you couldn’t even if you tried. 

🌱 So let them grieve. Or if they are yours to guide & care for, teach them how. 

✨Oh, and let yourself grieve too. 

✨Because the grieving is where the healing is born✨
✨ No matter where you are, what you are experiencing & who you are with, I pray you feel loved, seen, heard & held in some small way today.✨

~Kel
✨Reminders for every day, but especially on the days we gather. 

✨Take what you need today. These are un-numbered on purpose, because only you know what your heart is asking for. 

✨I hope you feel all of these things this week. No matter who you are with & what you are celebrating. 

#holidaystress #inmyfeels #enneagramfortheholidays #Thanksgiving #enneagramChristmas #holisticenneagram #bekind #Christianenneagram #UnabridgedFreedom #holisticenneagramcoach